


Not Wired for this World

by Tousled_Sky



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Shizuo musing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8658802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tousled_Sky/pseuds/Tousled_Sky
Summary: "When Izaya goes to the roof in the middle of the night, it's to try to find part of himself in the stars that he rarely sees in this world, but that he should be able to see every night; without these city lights dimming them. Without these city lights dimming him. " Shizuo notices things about Izaya.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this only a few days ago and I really like how it came out. Izaya is a complex character and I think its interesting to see how Shizuo reacts to him once he truly gets to know him, either in my own writing or in other fanfictions. The title is lyrics from the song Avalanche by Bring me the Horizon (who just might be my favorite band right now).   
> I hope you enjoy this oneshot, loves~

Izaya doesn't belong here.  
Shizuo, all his life, has wanted nothing more than to have a normal life. He just wanted a boring, average existence - he wanted to be just like the other humans whom existed all around him, all with him. He was denied this life, of course, his own treasonous body sabotaging his greatest desire.   
Well, not only his own body. Once high school started, he was also sabotaged by a certain classmate.  
He and Izaya hated each other in high school, and for several years afterwards. Izaya would always come to Ikebukero to taunt Shizuo, and Shizuo would have to chase him out. It was a chore - Izaya was like a fly that Shizuo couldn't shake, couldn't swat. Like a neighbors dog that barks at nothing all day long, the yaps cutting straight through the drywall. Izaya was just an annoying pest - a flea that Shizuo couldn't quite kill.   
Eventually, though, Izaya started spending less time in Ikebukero, due to a new, demanding client stationed in Shinjuku. He still usually came to Ikebukero at least once a week, but he didn't have the time anymore to antagonize Shizuo. Shizuo found himself missing the release of rage that he felt when chasing Izaya - the one time he didn't have to restrain himself. He missed letting his body reach its full, terrible potential - ripping the concrete apart to bury Izaya within the city he insisted on infesting. Letting his legs carry him as fast as they could after a fur-lined coat. Releasing his rage on a deserving target.  
When their fights did happen, now, Izaya seemed to prolong them, and Shizuo was in no hurry to see Izaya go, either, despite his roars of "Stay out of Ikebukero, you fucking louse!" His protests were more for show now than anything else.  
One night, when they got in a fight, Izaya veered for the border of Shinjuku a little too soon. Shizuo's rage swelled - he didn't want Izaya to vanish just yet. The night was very early, there was a light drizzled that cooled Shizuo's skin from where his blood raced beneath the surface, and it had been almost a MONTH since he had been able to chase Izaya like this. With the extra boost from fury that Izaya would leave so soon, that he would DARE be so INCONSIDERATE, Shizuo lunged forward and managed to do something he had never done before.  
He was able to grab the hood of Izaya's fur coat. When his fingers closed around it, he swung him into an alley purely on impulse, following close behind. He stalked up to Izaya, though he didn't really know what he was going to do once he got close.  
It turns out he didn't really need a plan. They just sort of fell into each other.   
Shizuo doesn't remember who kissed who first, but it hardly mattered once they were locked together against the wall of the alley. Shizuo was pressing Izaya's back flat against the bricks, one hand crushing into the masonry like he was digging his fingers into dry sand, and Izaya smirking into Shizuo's mouth while pressing a leg up in between Shizuo's like he wasn't the one trapped. Like he was the one in control.  
As it turns out, he was.   
In the first few months of their relationship, Shizuo doesn't really notice the little things that turn out to be the big things. No, instead those first few months feel like they're two high school students sneaking around their parent's backs - a flurry of movement and excitement and passion. It's Izaya making time to come to Ikebukero more frequently, it's Shizuo working longer on weekdays to take the weekends off. It's texting each other when they don't feel like a chase and tearing around the city when they do, until they tire and drag each other first into alleys, and then, eventually, into their apartments.   
They still hate each other at first, and it's more physical attraction than anything else - after all, Izaya is extremely attractive. It's not really that he's sexy, or hot, or cute, or even beautiful. Shizuo could, of course, call him any of those things, or one of many other adjectives - magnetic or incredible or gorgeous - to try to get his point across. But if he settled for such weak words, his point would be dulled terribly. Whenever he tries to fully describe Izaya, he finds himself just grasping for straws that don't exist. He's at a loss for words when trying to describe Izaya because there are no words to describe Izaya, not fully. The closest Shizuo can get to doing Izaya justice with words are with words like fierce and ancient, and maybe even alluring.  
Shizuo doesn't notice things such as Izaya's defiance of descriptions until after he fully moves in with the smaller man. It's been a long time coming - Shizuo has slowly and naturally drifted until he lives at Izaya's half the time anyways now; half of Izaya's bedroom closet has Shizuo's clothes in it, and a whole shelf of the refrigerator has food he likes and that Izaya despises. Besides, everyone they know has somehow figured out that they're together anyways, somewhere in the past few months. So eventually they just figure, fuck it, and Shizuo officially changes his address to Izaya's penthouse.   
It's only after a few months of the constant closeness that comes with cohabitation that Shizuo notices Izaya's aforementioned elusion of adjectives. Amongst other similar facts that eventually combine, come together like strands of a spider's web, to give Shizuo a bigger picture of his boyfriend; a fuller understanding of Izaya.  
For example, Shizuo has never had ambition to be anything greater than average. He desired to be normal, and therefore, his ambition was fairly dormant. And he was fine with that. Izaya, however, had an ambition that bit at his heels, inspiring him to move in much the same way that a dog inspires a rabbit to move. For Izaya, if he wasn't improving, he was failing.   
It sounded like a terrible, haunting thing to Shizuo - a push that you could never escape, a constant uphill battle to the perfection that no human can ever achieve. However, Izaya seemed to be grateful for the constant burn within him to be greater and greater - the way he saw it, every day he was pushed was another day he came closer to the sky where he belonged, reached higher to being a god to his city.   
Izaya was like that. He was born too late, Shizuo thinks - there's something primal in his eyes, like he could survive what no one else in this city could, because survival is what he's programmed for. His mind isn't wired for a nine to five, it's programmed to survive whatever the world can throw at him. Maybe that's why Izaya became so obsessed with Shizuo - he was the ultimate challenge; the strongest man in Ikebukero; perhaps in all of Japan. If Izaya could defeat him, he truly would be able to go up against anything, anything at all.  
Izaya was born into a world of stability and excess, but what he's built for is fighting and survival. His hair falls into his eyes like storm clouds covering the stars - the stars that humans in the city where he and Izaya live rarely see, but that our ancestors saw so often that the pinpricks of light in the sky grew to tell stories of gods.   
Izaya's skin is lined with scars (in his line of work, you get a little cut up), and the marks across his skin are like gashes in a forest from where a fire ripped though it - torn but still alive. He's sharp all over - his words, his weapon, his teeth - like he has to tear at others to survive. Like it's him against the world instead of him just being a part of the world.  
Izaya gets restless sometimes. More than just restless - it's an anxious sort of energy that he expresses through pacing and spinning his chair and all other types of movement. When he's like this, he never stills. The atmosphere around him is like he's following a map, going the way it's telling him to, but still feeling the uncertain certainty that it's the wrong way. Like he forgot something important; like he's looking for a place that doesn't exist. At least, doesn't exist anymore.  
Shizuo is sure that if Izaya was born a long time ago, he could have easily ruled the world. Hell, he almost rules all of Ikebukero now - he just can't own the city officially, because of the Japanese government. But, with no government to stop him, he could have stretched his rule from horizon to horizon. Izaya would have pulled so much of the still-cooling Earth to himself that the Sun would never set on his spanning empire.   
He would have been a legend - his story passed down though generations while his form was traced up in the stars.   
Izaya's every bit a king, but he can't be one here. You can't push a circular block thorough a triangular hole. He belongs to an age long since past.  
Sometimes Shizuo will wake up to an empty bed in the middle of the night. At this point, he knows where Izaya goes - he goes up to the roof, to "stargaze", as he puts it. But Shizuo knows better. Izaya doesn't just go up there to look at the stars; he goes up there to catch a glimpse of the past within the stars that have been here since ancient times; since his glory days that he never got to see.  
When Izaya goes to the roof in the middle of the night, it's to try to find part of himself in the stars that he rarely sees in this world, but that he should be able to see every night; without these city lights dimming them.   
Without these city lights dimming him.


End file.
